omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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