When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
