if i can run in heels then i can drive
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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