There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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