Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
