I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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