you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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