ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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