now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
