I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
