Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
