I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
