but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
