i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
