I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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