3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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