it's too hot outside to masturbate.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
