How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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