Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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