Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
