Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
