he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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