You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
