yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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