And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
