Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
