i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
