I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
