i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
