K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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