Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
