i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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