twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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