I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
