I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
