i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
