Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
