he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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