So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Who died my cat blue again?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
