So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
