I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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