dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
