Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
