i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize