I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
