i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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