if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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