I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
