I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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