I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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