you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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