And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
