I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
