We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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