Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
