You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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