woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
