Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
