Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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