its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
