just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
