I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
