god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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