did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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