I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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