I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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