I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
