you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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