Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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