Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
