I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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