Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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